8 Causes of Infidelity and Betrayal

As discussed in the last blog, infidelity is defined as the state or action of unfaithfulness to your spouse or sexual partner. There can be some subjectivity of what “unfaithfulness” is but bottom line- infidelity is a betrayal and there is no exception.

There are common signs or factors that can potentially lead to infidelity and I want to discuss those here with you because this can be helpful for those of you who might be a marriage where it may not be great and infidelity has not occurred but the possibility is not out of reach. It is important to not take our marriage for granted, also to be aware of the emotional state of our marriage. If you would like to guage your marriage and commitment, you can do so here. 

Factors or indicators that can potentially lead to infidelity:

1. When a spouse is looking for love, value, and respect outside of the marriage

This is important because once you are beginning to look elsewhere for any form of these three things then you are heading down a slippery slope. Remember, not all infidelity is sexual. Emotional affairs are just as hurtful, if not more so. When you begin to look for validation, approval, self esteem boost, etc from anyone else besides your spouse then you are treading on thin ice. Emotional affairs often begin very innocently or even subtly. You may find yourself confiding in someone about the problems in your marriage or the insecurities you have about yourself and before you know it this person becomes the one you are seeking support, value and love from and that need is now being met by another person other than your spouse.

2. Not speaking openly about thoughts and feelings

It is incredibly important to discuss our thoughts and feelings with our spouse because this is where emotional connection and friendship continues to grow. When a marriage loses this important factor in their relationship then naturally the connection begins to break down and it leaves the door open for a spouse to begin talking about their thoughts and feelings elsewhere. Thus, creating a connection with someone else.

3. Poor conflict resolution

Of course, people immediately think that if you are constantly fighting then finding peace, understanding, and acceptance elsewhere is bound to happen. Fighting is a common occurrence in a marriage but how we fight is the key. If you fight with venom, hurtful words, character attacks, and contentment then you are most definitely breaking down the security and bond in your relationship. But if you can fight with love and respect then it is a healthy thing to do every now and then in your marriage. Fighting is going to happen when two people are trying to live life together but the frequency, intensity, and tone make all the difference.

4. Not nurturing the friendship in marriage

Similar to factor #2- when we do not engage in conversation and activities that nurture the friendship then it can potentially lead to infidelity. When the friendship is lost, the marriage can begin to feel like a roommate situation. You just co-exist with one another and share in the responsibilities of the house and lack the desire to know one another intimately.

5. Increased time apart

When people begin to choose to spend their free time with others rather than their spouse more times than not then this can open the door to potential problems.

The last three speak for themselves - there is no need to give further information.

6. Allowing stress and exhaustion to keep you from sexual intimacy

7. Forgetting the marriage commitment. (See if you and your spouse are committed)

8. Giving in to temptation

This list is NOT a definite indication that there WILL be an infidelity but rather a list of precaution to take measures to reconnect and build your relationship stronger to help prevent the potential for infidelity. If you would like to see if you and your spouse are committed or if your relationship needs work, you can take this quiz. you have any questions or concerns about your marriage, please feel free to reach out. I am happy to answer your questions and provide resources to help.